the holiday party

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  • Huggie Smiles
    Anyone have Styx livesets?
    • Jun 2004
    • 11817

    the holiday party

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >
    > TO: All Employees
    >
    > DATE: 4th November 2004
    >
    > RE: Christmas Party
    >
    > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
    place
    > on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
    > Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have
    a small
    > band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And
    > don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
    Christmas tree
    > will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done
    at
    > that time, however, no gift should be over ?10.00 to make the giving
    of
    > gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
    employees!
    > The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
    >
    > Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
    >
    > Pauline
    >

    > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >
    > TO: All Employees
    >
    > DATE: 5th November 2004
    >
    > RE: Holiday Party
    >
    > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    employees.
    > We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
    coincides
    > with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now
    on
    > we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any
    > other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas
    tree or
    > Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
    > enjoyment.
    > Happy now?
    >
    > Happy Holidays to you and your family,
    >
    > Pauline.
    >
    >
    >
    > FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >
    > TO: All Employees
    >
    > DATE: 6th November 2004
    >
    > RE: Holiday Party
    >
    > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    > requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
    to
    > accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
    "AA
    > Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!How am I supposed to
    handle
    > this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange
    allowed
    > now since the Union Officials feel that ?10.00 is too much money and
    > Management believe ?10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE
    ALLOWED.
    >
    > Pauline.
    >
    >
    >
    > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >
    > TO: All Employees
    >
    > DATE: 7th November 2004
    >
    > RE: Holiday Part
    >
    > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
    the
    > Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
    > daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
    a
    > luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
    employees'
    > beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
    until
    > the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take
    home in a
    > little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
    > members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
    pregnant
    > women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to
    sit
    > with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will
    have
    > their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay
    men's
    > table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross
    > dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat
    > food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt
    used in
    > the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the
    food
    > first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
    > restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss
    anything?!?!?!?!?!
    > Pauline.
    >
    >
    >
    > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >
    > TO: All F****** Employees
    >
    > DATE: 8 November 2004
    >
    > RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
    >
    > Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to
    keep
    > this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
    sit
    > quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
    quaintly put
    > it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But
    you
    > know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I've
    heard
    > them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a
    rotten
    > holiday, drink drive and die.
    >
    > The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    > FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
    >
    > DATE: 9th November 2004
    >
    > RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
    >
    > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
    > recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
    meantime, the
    > Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give
    > everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
    ....Freak in the morning, Freak in the evening, aint no other Freak like me thats breathing....




  • Mr.Big
    Platinum Poster
    • Nov 2004
    • 1390

    #2
    well that must be a joke email...but it does raise a point how gay people are around this time of year...people who diss xmas are pricks no matter what religion they are.

    Like those 2 spastics in a french school recently who wanted an xmas tree takin down cause it wasnt in context to their religion..

    fuck them...get over it.
    www.twitter.com/mikeoreilly
    Pimps up Hoes down.

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