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Thread: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

  1. #1

    Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    Steve still crosses my mind on a regular basis. I tell people stories about him weekly. This week I had to explain who John Digweed was, and immediately countered with "my friend Steve grew his hair out, and when I told him he looked like Digweed, he called it his Digweave". I remember the times he made me laugh, his wit, his kindness. People like him truly don't come around often. He was a friend I could trust, with the ooey gooey of my own mental weakness, and trust is rare (especially when your foundation is built over the interwebs).

    Things have gotten easier (read : breakdowns are less frequent) since the initial impact of finding out about Steve's death, but I still wonder a lot about what triggered his decision to take his life. From time to time, I find myself wondering if there was anything that anyone could have said that would have helped him. Could we really have stopped him, or was the depression simply his terminal illness? In processing recent loss to suicide, someone compared depression to cancer, and finally, the seriousness to depression began to make more sense to me.

    I had another friend take his life this week. One that is from the same cloth as Mr. James. I find it odd that they were both named Steve. They were both my brothers in music. Each teaching me more about the depth, power and beauty to be uncovered in electronic music. They both sent me on a quest to establish my own musical identity, and it's something I take pride in now. Instead of a blank stare when someone asks me what my "style" is, I can proudly rattle of hours of music philosophy, artists, remixes, and stories of travels to distant cities in my pursuit of the knowledge.

    I learned so much from Jib, and I am so grateful that all of you loved him with such fervor. I'm glad that I have a place I can come, to read about him and keep his memory alive. His death is permanent, but so is his gift. The gift that he gave all of us, which is friendship.

  2. #2

    Re: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    The long-term effects for me have been to not take friends for granted, tell them you love them, listen to them with care and be there for them no matter what, when you think they may need you.

    It was fun while it lasted...

  3. #3
    Aussie Pest DIDI's Avatar
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    Re: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    What a truly beautiful post, so sorry you are going through this again. Depression is an awful thing , it makes you feel so isolated. You think people are just being "nice" if they do something good for you. You really believe that your death will not effect anyone all that much. They don't realise their friends will spend the rest of their lives wondering if they could have changed the outcome. I believe by the time it gets to this stage there is nothing anyone can do. All that is left is for us to do is remember the wonderful things they did leave for us.

    Even in you, his gift keeps giving to the rest of us.

    My long term effects ?? Regret I never knew him in real life. But glad I was able to contribute, even unknowingly, to some happiness in his life, albeit in a very small way.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheVrk View Post
    it IS incredible isn't it??
    STILL pumpin out great set after great set...never cheesed out, never sold out, never lost his touch..
    Simply does not get any better than Hernan
    The 'club spirit' is in the soul. It Never Dies

  4. #4

    Re: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    The were several things going on in Steve's life that made him do what he did, life had dealt him a shitty hand if I'm honest. Broken relationships, employment troubles and the shear frustration at him not being able to live out his life the way he wanted to. These are all things that are enough to drive a person to depression I'm sure we'll agree but what makes a person take it that step further? I guess We'll never know.

    Could anyone have said anything to make him a happier person? I know I tried my damdest.

    In the end, his selfishness to take his own life annoyed me no end ! I still love him though.
    mjwebhosting you know it makes sense



    Si. vm et av. vm

  5. #5

    Re: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    Sorry you are going through this again MCKat. Remember I am still here if you need to talk *hug*

    I, like you find myself wondering the same things....and I have come to realize that the point dear Steve was at was too far into his depression...I don't think anything could have changed his mind. Steve battled the depression demons for so long and for such a long time....it really took a toll on him. It was like a part of him had died...in the end unfortunately his demons won, but I try my best to believe he is at peace now and no longer suffering. I cling to this and it keeps me going through the difficult times.

    Steve was such a wonderful, yet troubled soul, who in such a very short time, touched so many lives. He did more goodness on this earth than some people will ever do in a lifetime twice as long. He had a way to make you feel like you were the center of the earth and did and would do anything for those of us he loved. He also had a way with music that most dream of having. He could make a set like no other. His music projected the spirit deep inside him and it would reach right into your soul and move you in unimaginable ways....he was truly gifted.

    RIP Steve "Jibs" James - Your footprint is forever on my soul and in my heart xoxo
    RIP Jeff Shewchuk aka DJ Jeff Taylor (day_for_night) - You will live on in my heart forever xoxo

    Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

  6. #6
    Addiction started Mad'Em Fixer's Avatar
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    Re: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    I am so sorry you are going through more of this. I think of him always!!! Miss him soo much it hurts to my core.
    UFUCKINGCUNTCHA!!!!R.I.P. Jib!

  7. #7
    I got some N64 Games Yo!! i!!ustrious's Avatar
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    Re: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    i didn't get a chance to really know jib, but have lost several old high-school friends from od's in the past couple of years (one this past week to be concurrent), and it just seems so near. also so very heart wrenching; and some of their death's have not even hit me yet. godspeed, hang tough and rest well fellas

  8. #8
    Addiction started Mad'Em Fixer's Avatar
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    Re: Long Term Effects of Losing a Friend to Suicide

    Quote Originally Posted by DancingQueen View Post
    Sorry you are going through this again MCKat. Remember I am still here if you need to talk *hug*

    I, like you find myself wondering the same things....and I have come to realize that the point dear Steve was at was too far into his depression...I don't think anything could have changed his mind. Steve battled the depression demons for so long and for such a long time....it really took a toll on him. It was like a part of him had died...in the end unfortunately his demons won, but I try my best to believe he is at peace now and no longer suffering. I cling to this and it keeps me going through the difficult times.

    Steve was such a wonderful, yet troubled soul, who in such a very short time, touched so many lives. He did more goodness on this earth than some people will ever do in a lifetime twice as long. He had a way to make you feel like you were the center of the earth and did and would do anything for those of us he loved. He also had a way with music that most dream of having. He could make a set like no other. His music projected the spirit deep inside him and it would reach right into your soul and move you in unimaginable ways....he was truly gifted.
    Amazingly written. <3 Em
    UFUCKINGCUNTCHA!!!!R.I.P. Jib!

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