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"I'd rather chill in this thread": why nonsense don't go away
Jesus Christ Action Figure, a Flash Animated video by thepope @ jesus-action-figure .com
Originally posted by Miroslav
It's not like he grabbed his balls and sucked his dick. It's not like he gave the Saudis the original copy of the Constitution to use as toilet paper. It's not like he gave away the secret recipe to the Colonel's chicken. .
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch,but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the Other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand
"You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock, and no hired hand.
He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. "Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked at him and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
~~Growing Old Is Mandatory .. Growing Up Is Optional!~~
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
There once were two priests, father Dick and father Ray.
One day after a very long mass, the two priests decided to hit the showers, halfway through there showers the priests realized that there was no soap.
So, father Ray says to Father dick "I have extra soap in my room, I'll go get some".
So he leaves to fetch the soap and doesn't bother to get dressed becuase who would still be in the church at such a late hour? So he comes back from his room with two bars of soap and is walking down the hall when suddenly he hears voices coming around the corner, so with his quick thinking he froze to the wall, stiff as a statue.
The voices turned out to be that of three nuns, who, when saw him standing there like a statue stopped to look at and admire him complimenting at how realistic he looks and what a nice body he has.
When suddenly one of the nuns reaches out and grabbed his penis.
Startled, he dropped a bar of soap, with this the nun said "Oh look, a soap dispencer", wanting to test the first nuns theory the second nun reaches out and also grabs his penis, again he drops a bar of soap.
With this the nun says "Yes it's true, it is a soap dispencer".
Wanting to get her share of soap and excitement too, the third nun reaches out and grabs his penis.
But nothing happended for he was all out of soap, so she goes on yanking and pulling his penis for the next few minutes until, to her delight, she squeals "Oh! Look, handcream!"
The head Nun of the convent called all 100 Nuns into the foyer for an emergency meeting.
"Last night," She started "I found something terrible in one of the sisters rooms." 99 Nuns "Oh no" 1 Nun "He, he"
"A condom!" said the head Nun. 99 Nuns "Oh no" 1 Nun "He, he"
Head Nun "And it was used!" 99 Nuns "Oh no" 1 Nun "He, he"
Head Nun "And it had a hole in it!" 1 Nun "Oh no" 99 Nuns "He, he"
there are 2 midgets who have adjoining rooms in a hotel with incredibly thin walls.They decided to check out the hotel bar , when they get there they see these 2 lovely blondes and manage to get them to go up2 there adjoining rooms.Midget number 1 says to midget number 2 "go on lad have fun !"..so Midget number 1 is in his room with this amazing blonde , she begins to strip off revealing a lovely toned body , and to his fustration he cant get a erection and to add to this he can hear midget number 2 in the next room shouting "1 - 2 - 3 arrrgh....1 - 2 - 3 uurrgg....1 - 2 - 3 ooohhhhh..."
all night long ..so midget number 1 thinks " ahh forget about it !" and goes to sleep .The next morning he awakes to find the blonde gone , midget number 1 goes into the hallway and bumps into midget number 2 and midget number 2 says " how did it go with the sexy little thing last night ?"
he replies " embarassing , awful i couldnt even get a hard on !" Midget number 2 says " you think that is bad .....I COULDNT EVEN GET ON THE BED !! "
It's not like he grabbed his balls and sucked his dick. It's not like he gave the Saudis the original copy of the Constitution to use as toilet paper. It's not like he gave away the secret recipe to the Colonel's chicken. .
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