The Overportected Kid

[floridaorange]

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article: The Overprotected Kid - The Atlantic

[KiwiTollway]

Re: The Overportected Kid

Interesting article and I like the 'more natural' type playground very much. I think kids need variety and this variety of playground is pretty cool. Nowadays, they call moms who hover over their kids constantly "helicopter moms." I had a pretty detached form of mothering from my mother. I remember she made meals and provided our home essentials, we had to be inside at a certain time but could do whatever we wanted until then, she was there if we needed her, and I can tell ya that form of parenting isn't great/ideal either. This quote:

"[Children today are] less emotionally expressive, less energetic, less talkative and verbally expressive, less humorous, less imaginative, less unconventional, less lively and passionate, less perceptive, less apt to connect seemingly irrelevant things, less synthesizing, and less likely to see things from a different angle."

I don't believe that's true. I think kids just find other avenues to do all those things a little differently than "back in the day" and that's fine too. On the other hand, some parents are very passive with conflicts these days it seems. I teach my kids if you have any problem with someone, go talk to them about it. Don't let days/months slip by while everything 'blows over' because meanwhile they're talking to everyone else about you, thinking inaccurate things about you, twittering about it, etc. and then more damage to relationships occur. Or the relationship just falls away in favor of easier one void of conflict.

On a couple of occasions, we've gone over to a friend's house [uninvited/unexpected] to discuss whatever was going on (the day of the conflict) and things always work out that way. It's hard. It's scary. My kids used to beg me not to make them do it, but they've learned that communicating, in person, is key to solving problems. One of my daughters recently told me that a long time friend said to her "I have 3 people I can count on in my life and you're one of them." and I took that as a compliment to my "go talk to them" approach. Sometimes "kid code" gets broken, so? I don't think that means the relationship should end... work it out, work it through. I think that's one of the most important things to teach a child, not to be afraid of ANYONE, no matter what's going on.

Avoidance is kind of ridiculous in my opinion. All relationships become pretty short-term ones because sooner or later conflicts occur or the relationship wasn't ever going to be close anyway. If it's a good/close one, there will be conflicts. I think managing conflicts is one of the most missed lessons parents forget to teach and so do schools.

As far as dangers in the world, there really are more these days; more people are desperate in a variety of ways and that desperation is what scares people because then they'll steal, harm, or cause violence to get their needs met. Parents want to prevent their kids from unnecessary accidents and there's nothing wrong with that. For instance, this young kid with the stick in the fire might not understand that stick is so hot it could set someone's hair on fire. To me, this scenario really requires supervision because kids often can't put 2+2=4 together or hot-stick-from-fire + little-boy's-hair/shirt/pants = burnt-child. You know? Working that stuff out through "natural consequences" is fine, but not with MY child. lol Kids with their own rope swing over the pond is fine until one lands wrong in shallow water and breaks their back, then it's the parent who neglected to supervise who's responsible for that child's care for the rest of their lives, 30, 40, 50+ years.... consequences are the parent's too.

I think the main thing to teach kids is what you know. Some stuff they'll find out for themselves and other stuff they need to be told and lived. I think parents who avoid conflict with their kids are really doing the world and their child a dis-service... like punishment without conversation.... or lack of passing down valuable life information to their child because it would make the parent too uncomfortable. Really sad and selfish when that happens. Life's not meant to be lived all comfortable for everyone; physically and emotionally. There is nothing wrong with uncomfortable emotional situations in my opinion. None of my teens have any real problems & maybe that's why? We spend alot of time discussing things with our kids. And I have been called a "helicopter mom" before by a teenager's mother on one of the teams my son plays on, I took it as a compliment.

Have you ever looked up what makes a person a sociopath? It's lack of emotion experienced from their mother towards them. People think anger/conflict is so bad, but it's all really necessary for kids to become healthy adults. Actually, the fear "my mother is angry and might not love me anymore" for a child, is VERY crucial to their emotional well-being. Fascinating to me.