Cyber

[JCMtrl]

Re: Cyber

OMG!

I really shouldn't have started reading that at work.
Literally, I have tears from laughing.
I had to stop at the vegetable one, before my coworkers think I've lost it.

[chato]

Re: Cyber

haha i cant stop laughing!

[TomTom]

Re: Cyber

> Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
> Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

:ROFLMAO:

[djbucko]

Re: Cyber

seen this loads of times. piss, piss funny everytime.

[Lets_party]

That's very funny

haha, that shit is hilarious...that last one is too much, that chick is desperate!

i agree ...
N' the one about the Rhinocerus
was very funny aswell

i think this just made my day...
never done that shit ''cybersex'' before.. i think it sucks

[picklemonkey]

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

:ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO:
That's been posted here before, but it's still some of the funniest shit I've ever read.

[TheOutsider]

rofl seen the last 1 b4
thats some funny shit

[CrackedSun]

Re: Cyber

haha, that shit is hilarious...that last one is too much, that chick is desperate!

[EvenSteven]

saw this on the gu board, and didn't know if it had been posted here or not, but nonetheless it needs to be read again.

HARRRRR!






> So I was having cybersex the other day.
> It was pretty good I guess. Here it is:
>
> bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
> BritneySpears14: Aight.
> bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
> BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
> bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
> bloodninja: Me too baby.
> BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
> bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful
woman.
>
> BritneySpears14: Hey...
> bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of
> the Infinite.
> BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
> bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the
> Beyondness.
> BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
ridiculous.
>
> bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the
> lands.
> bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body
> explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
> BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
> bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield
> inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
> bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's
> evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals
> my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
> bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
> bloodninja: Baby?
>
> Yeah it was pretty sweet.
>
>
>
>
> This one was good.
>
> bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
> ready for you.
> j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
> bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
> j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
> bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my
> breeding territory.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
> j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
> bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
> j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the
> game.
> bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
> j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
> bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
> charge your ass.
> bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
> j_gurli3: thats it.
> bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic
> symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
> and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
> the air on my mighty horn.
> bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
>
>
>
>
> This kinda sucked.
>
> BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
> eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
> BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
> eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
> BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
> BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular
> physique.
> eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
> eminemBNJA: Oh shit
> BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your
> ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
> eminemBNJA: Oh shit
> eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
>
>
>
>
> Ew this chick was nasty. Yeeeeaah.
>
> bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
> Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
> bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
> Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
> bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
> bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
> (pause)
> Katie_007: is that it?
> bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
> bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
> Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables...
Can
> you make it a little more sexy for me?
> (pause)
> bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach...
sexily.
>
> bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
> Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along
> the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
> bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
> bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
> Katie_007: ...
> bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides
> turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
> Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
> bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your
> olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
> Katie_007: whatever.
>
>
> this is also a classic
>
> Girl: Hi
> Boy: hello
> Boy: who is this?
> Girl: just a someone?
> Boy: A someone I know?
> Girl: nope
> Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
> Girl: well sorrrrrry
> Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
> Boy: why?
> Girl: nevermind your an asshole
> Boy: Hey wait a minute
> Girl: yes?
> Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
> Girl: paranoid?
> Boy: yes
> Girl: of what?
> Girl: me?
> Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
> Girl: LOL
> Boy: Don't ******* laugh at me!
> Boy: This shit is serious!
> Girl: What are you hiding from?
> Boy: The cops.
> Girl: gimme a ******* break
> Boy: I'm serious.
> Girl: I don't get it
> Boy: The cops are after me.
> Girl: For what?
> Boy: I'm wanted in three states
> Girl: For???
> Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
> Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
> Boy: Hello?
> Girl: You are ******* sick.
> Boy: Send me your picture.
> Girl: why?
> Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
> Girl: One of what?
> Boy: The cops.
> Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
> Boy: Then send me your picture.
> Girl: hold on
> Boy: Hurry up.
> Boy: Are you there?
> Boy: **** you, cop!
> Girl: Hey sorry
> Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
> Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
> Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
> Boy: Weren't you!?
> Girl: thats not it
> Boy: Then what?
> Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
> Boy: Most cops aren't
> Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD!
> Boy: Then send me the picture.
> Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
> Boy: Just send it through here.
> Girl: alright *PIC*
> Girl: Did you get it?
> Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
> Girl: That was me back in may
> Girl: I've lost weight since then.
> Boy: I hope so
> Girl: what?!?
> Girl: that hurt my feelings.
> Boy: Did it?
> Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
> Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
> Girl: yes
> Boy: Alright let me find it.
> Girl: kks
> Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
> Girl: this isn't you.
> Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
> Girl: You don't look like that.
> Boy: How the hell do you know?
> Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
> Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
> Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
> Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
> Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
> Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
> Girl: Go **** yourself
> Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
> Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
> Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
> Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
> Girl: you hurt me.
> Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
> Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
> Boy: Why would I do that?
> Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
> Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
> Girl: FUC YOU!!!
> Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
> Girl: You're a ******* asshole.
> Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
> Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
> Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
> Girl: No you aren't
> Boy: You're right. I'm not.
> Boy: HAARRRRR!
> Girl: I'm done with you
> Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
> Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
> Boy: Wait a sec
> Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
> Boy: Wanna start over?
> Girl: No
> Boy: I'll eat your pussy
> Girl: You'll what?
> Boy: You heard me.
> Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
> Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
> Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
> Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
> Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
> Boy: I get excited in different ways.
> Girl: Like what?
> Boy: Do you really wanna know?
> Girl: I don't know
> Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
> Girl: I'm afraid to
> Boy: Why?
> Girl: cause
> Boy: cause why?
> Girl: well lets see
> Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna
> eat me out
> Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
> Boy: Nope
> Girl: well its strange to me
> Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
> Girl: I didn't say that
> Boy: So is that a yes?
> Girl: I guess so.
> Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
> Boy: Are you willing?
> Girl: What do you need me to do?
> Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
> Girl: ???
> Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
> Boy: ok?
> Boy: Hello?
> Girl: You can't be serious
> Boy: Oh yes I am!
> Boy: It's my fantasy.
> Girl: this is retarded
> Boy: Do you want it or not?
> Girl: Yes I want it.
> Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
> Girl: sure
> Boy: Ok. Here we go.
> Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
> Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against
> them
> Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
> Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
> Girl: mmmm yeah
> Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
> Girl: Har
> Boy: You gotta do better than that!
> Boy: Your picture was really bad.
> Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
> Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every
> stroke.
> Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
> Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
> Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
> Girl: mmmmmm you are good
> Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
> Boy: going limp
> Girl: HARRRRRRR
> Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
> Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
> Boy: going limp
> Girl: this is stupid
> Boy: ...still limp
> Boy: Do it!
> Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
> Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
> Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
> Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
> Girl: WTF?!?!?
> Boy: They stink really bad.
> Girl: OMG STOP!!!
> Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
> Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
> Boy: I ram it up your ass.
> Girl: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
> Boy: Then I pour hot caramel over your head.
> Boy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
> Boy: I kick you in the face!
> Girl: **** YOU ASSHOLE!!
> Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
> Boy: Your parrot flys away.
> Boy: ...going limp again.
> Boy: Hello?
> Boy: Say it!
> Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!