Re: Better than fmylife
good idea:
good idea:
(503): when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
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Re: Better than fmylife
(613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
(716): Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.Don't let anyone drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
"some things simply aren’t meant to be bootybumped. Hard liquor is a prime example, as it will burn like a motherfuck."
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Re: Better than fmylife
(71
: Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
(215): two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
(1-215): ill bring the camera dont start without me
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Re: Better than fmylife
I love TFLN so much I even bought the iPhone app they brought out recently, sometimes when I´m bored I just love firing it up and just read random stuff, always cracks me up.Comment
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Re: Better than fmylife
"woke up and found a bloody mary in a water bottle in my purse. I love how drunk me takes care of sober me"
hahahahah... I have made vodka OJ's the night before and left them in the fridge for the morning...Remember: You are never more than six days away from FRIDAY!!!
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Re: Better than fmylife
(423): He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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Re: Better than fmylife
lmao(314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
(504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda
(314): put your penis in her you must.Comment
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Re: Better than fmylife
(330): no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
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Re: Better than fmylife
(202): She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
(1-202): stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
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Re: Better than fmylife
(516): the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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Re: Better than fmylife
(97: im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me 
(1-97: this is your brother
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Re: Better than fmylife
(702): was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
(773): you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
(850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
(1-850): that makes sense.
(630): The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
(801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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Re: Better than fmylife
(317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
(812): You're dead to me.
(404): hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
(1-404): no.
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Re: Better than fmylife
(817): Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbationForward thinking house musicComment
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