A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[Dhar_2]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^ oh dear!

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I used to date a girl with eczema.

She had a crackin pair of tits.......................

[Kamal]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

2 babies are talking:
first one says
!jeez arnt you tired of pumpkin purity at breakfast
chicken noodle purity at lunch
beef purity at tea
chicken broth purity at supper"
Other baby says:
"dude you're lucky
I gotta share a tit with a guy that smokes camel filter"

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Nicknames in use that have been given to Glasgow characters by their
friends and workmates

Two Soups - his real name is Campbell Baxter.


Norrie Two Bunnets - the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his
cloth cap.


The Colostomy - the girlfriend of a married man (ie. The wee bag on the
side).


The Parachute - lets everyone down at the last minute.


Cashline - an experienced young lass who's open 24 hours a day.


Vaseline - his real name is Willie Burns.


Rembrandt - loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture..'


Brewer's Droop - his real name is Willie Falls .


The Genie(aka The Greenie!!!) - magically appears whenever anyone opens a
bottle.


The Marksman - when it's his turn to buy a round, he always shoots the
craw


Dulux - his pals reckon he's only got one coat.

Soapy - washes his hands of any problems that crop up.

The Gas Man - he's serviced loads of old boilers.

The Woodpecker - he's always tapping.

Mussolini - woman in a Glasgow office who has rather loose morals (aka the
great dicktaker).

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

2 babies are talking:
first one says
!jeez arnt you tired of pumpkin purity at breakfast
chicken noodle purity at lunch
beef purity at tea
chicken broth purity at supper"
Other baby says:
"dude you're lucky
I gotta share a tit with a guy that smokes camel filter"

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Dad cooks deer for dinner one night and doesnt tell his kids they have to guess what it is and says
''its what your mother calls me''
At this his son shouts at his sister ''dont eat that,its a fucking ballbag!!''

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

There was a bit of a financial crisis in the family

so the missus was forced to go down on the corner and earn some money

She'd been gone all night, and when she finally came back up

her husband asked her how much money she'd made...


- I made 50 pounds and 2 pence !

- 2 pence ?? who the heck gave you 2 pence ?

- They all did

This I found rather funny

[fuctuup]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says.......
"Grandpa....Go home, you're drunk."

Thats a good one.

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

wee roger starts work in a huge department store, one of those huge stocks just about everything types and the manager gives him the tour. at the end he takes him to meet oul bill. he introduces them and says "u will be working with bill for a while to learn the ropes, hes been here for 20 years and if u can be half as good as him i'll be happy."
so the manager goes away and oul bill tells him "its all about the sales lad, if somebody comes looking for something try and get an extra sale from them" then spotting a customer he says "watch what i do"

so oul bill saunters over to the customer and says "can i help you sir?" the customer replies "yes id like some grass seed" so bill takes him to the grass seed and then says "were doing a special on lawnmowers at the minute sir and when your grass grows you are gonna have to cut it." the customer then replies "what a good idea i'll take one" after the customer goes "wee roger says that was great bill " so a few minutes later in comes another customer and bill says "right roger lad show us how its done"

so roger saunters over to the customer and says "can i help you sir" the customer replies "yes id like some tampons, theyre for my wife of course" after getting the tampons roger says to the customer "were doing a special on lawnmowers this week if you are interested sir" the customer looking baffled says to him "why would i want to buy a lawnmower" to which roger looking down at the tampons replied "well your weeks already fucked so u may as well cut the grass"

[bobjuice]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

There was a bit of a financial crisis in the family

so the missus was forced to go down on the corner and earn some money

She'd been gone all night, and when she finally came back up

her husband asked her how much money she'd made...


- I made 50 pounds and 2 pence !

- 2 pence ?? who the heck gave you 2 pence ?

- They all did

[supaz]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A black guy, chinese guy, and a jew walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says get the fuck out of here.


- From Gran Torino

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^HAHAHAHa

[MJ]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Pikey sister and brother in bed
Pikey sister to pikey brother "You shag like my dad"
Pikey brother to pikey sister "Yeah, That's what my mum says"

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

[Micko]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

AN IRISH GHOST STORY
This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though

it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.


John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on
a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so
strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and
stopped.


John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got
into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was
nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and
saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging
for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of
nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John ,
paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the
window, but never touched or harmed him.





Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet
and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about
the horrible experience he had just had.


A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was
crying... and wasn't drunk.


Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark
and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the
other....

Look Paddy....there's that fecking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!'

Jasus, I know we're bad, but we're not that bad....