A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[bobjuice]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I answered the front door last night and was surprised to see a policeman. He looked at me, showed me a photo and said "is this your wife sir?"

"Yes" I replied

"I'm very sorry sir but it looks as if she's been in an accident"

"I know" i replied, "but she has a lovely personality"

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

ZEN Teachings ...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact,
just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a
couple of bond repayments.

7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and
he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone R20 and never see that person again, it was
probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from
bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one
works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it..

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass - then
things just keep getting worse.

20.. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

[phaeton]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them :
“In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
“Go ahead and do the same thing,”! he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them :
“The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger."

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, a
necrophiliac and a gay guy.

The zoophile sighs and says, "You know, if there was a cat here I'd f#*k it
‘til I pass out."

The sadist nods, and sighs, "And once you were done with it, I’d torture it
until it died."

The necrophiliac leans in and agrees, "Oh yeah, and once it was dead I'd
f#*k it ‘til I passed out too."

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "miaow".

[DIDI]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Suicide Bombers to go on strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the
afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an
agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be
cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was
the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its
members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities
of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in
the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales,
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to
the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know
what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.

So wrong , but sooo funny !! :

[kassios]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^^ Nice one LMAOF

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... "Will you marry
me?"

The Princess said "NO!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went
fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank
beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat
up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Suicide Bombers to go on strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the
afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an
agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be
cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was
the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its
members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities
of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in
the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales,
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to
the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know
what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68,
and 78?

At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story

At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed

At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed

At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed

At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed

At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story

At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

[poults]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

How do Mexicans stay warm?

They use chicken fajitas.

[Dhar_2]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

your missing the point!

[floridaorange]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^What gas stations keep their candy behind the counter?

[88Mariner]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man walks into a gas station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?" The lady behind the register gets
him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. "No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

man city just bid 24 million for raoul moat

they havent a clue who he is but have heard everyone else was after him...............

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Northumbria police are offering a £10k reward for any information that might lead to the arrest of Raul Moat................
If hes not caught by next tuesday it goes up to £20k,making it a Raulover!!!