A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be ‘North Dakota’ for you non-Scandahoovians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls…the cow farts.
Ole is very surprised.
He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow’s current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.
When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, “Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens.”
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says, “You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn’t yah?”
Ole is very surprised since he hadn’t told Sven about his trip. “Yah, dats right. But how did you know?”
Sven says, “My wife is from Nordakota.”

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A poem for those affected by the credit crunch:
There was a young man called Dave,
who dug up a prostitutes grave.
She was mouldy ad shitty,
with only one titty.
But look at the money he saved!

[TheMightyGreg]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^ You'll be hearing from my lawyer

[ger stokes]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

If its been posed before, sue me!

Whats brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

An old man is just back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.

Lying in bed,his new bride is playing with his manhood slowly stroking it up and down.

The old man says 'You must love that, you haven't left it alone since we got back.'

The bride sighed wistfully and replied 'No! .... I just really miss mine.'

[Life on Other Planets AKA Johns]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^^^ . nice one. will use that at work tomorrow

[KinKyJ]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Why is a married guy always fatter than a single guy?

A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting and goes to bed.

A married guy goes to bed, sees nothing interesting and goes to the fridge.

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Perhaps not very realistic for the wife to reach this way, but still quite funny nonetheless…
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice looking woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished , naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said: ‘Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.’
‘Did you dance much ?’
‘I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys and we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to…. !!!!!!!!!

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

One guy is very upset and yells at his friend, “You slept with my
wife, you son of a bitch. I am gonna make you pay for what you did.”
“Bullshit,” replies the other one, “why should I pay twice?”

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A guy goes to his doctor for a prostate exam. The doctor checks him out, and, after the exam, he says, "Well, I have some good news and some bad news." The guy asks, "What's the good news?" "I see no sign of cancer or any other disease -- I can pretty much give you a clean bill of health," says the doctor. "So then what's the bad news?" asks the guy, puzzled. "You have to stop masturbating," the doctor replies. "What? Why?" asks the guy. "It's kind of making me uncomfortable," says the doctor.

Excellent

[poults]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A bloke tried to sell me 8 legs of venison the other day for 600 quid. Is that to dear?

[Micko]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

This guy who's having problems hearing goes to a doctor. The doctor says, tell me all your symptoms. The guy says, "Homer, Marge, Bart..."

[Micko]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

What's the difference between a terrorist and a psychiatrist?




You can negotiate with a terrorist

Considering I work in the area of mental health, I find this particularly amusing

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I just bought a Mercedes SL550. It's fantastic, when you say "Soul", it plays James Brown. When you say "Rock", it plays AC/DC. Last night some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "fucking kids!", and it started to play Michael Jackson.



stolen from wwtdd

[Steve Graham]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Teacher: Who can give me a 12 letter word?

Student: masturbation!

Teacher: well, that's a mouthful

Student: no, you're thinking of blow job