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An Irishman is chatting up a bird in a bar, getting on quite well and the bird says to him, "before we go any further i better let you know that i'm on my menstrual cycle", so the geezer replies "That's alright love, i'm on me moped, i'll follow you home!"
A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper. There was another knock, so he opened the door again. This time, he looked down and saw a small snail.
"Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail said. The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading.
Three years later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail.
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