taking some time out

[Claire Taurus]

Re: taking some time out

Sounds like anxiety attacks to me. A doctor won't do fuck all, you need to see a counselor.

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

Bloody hell mate, dunno really where to start with that.

All i can say is I hope you can battle through and solve whatever issues are going on.

Loads of people have fucked up problems, it's just trying to find the best way to deal with them.

i,m fine m8, honestly, just a few things have happened recently that are kinda fucked up, feeling funny after eating food and stuff, trying to detox to solve my skin problems but everything needed to detox seems to make me feel funny when i eat it, it's mad, at an orange yesterday and my ears started ringing so hard, getting itchy sensations in my ear when i listen to music at low levels, the same thing happened last time i went to the arches, went to see the surgeon and as soon as i got into the room my ears started itching and i left instantly, didn't want to mess my hearing up, right now i,m getting popping and crunchy sounds in my ear and i,m getting a strange feeling in my head, light headed, it also feels hot and i,m getting some sharp pains in my head from time to time, also my left hand seems to keep cramping, keep getting pains in my nuts and chest as well, feels like something is hitting off my arsehole from time to time as well, this happened to me before, i can't explain it, popping sounds in my nose the lot, sometimes i hear what sounds like something crawling on my bed sheets, a few other things i can't think of off the top of my head, when i was in a mental ward for the first time i heard something that sounded like my sister crying and calling my name and i,ve heard that a couple of times as well, i,m convinced it's not an auditory hallucination, kind of scared to say this in case i get sectioned again, even hearing sounds that sound like bones cracking

[AchtungBaby!]

Re: taking some time out

Man i don't know you more than of what you post here in MS over the years so itīs very difficult to say something useful but all i can say is go to see your doctor because he is possibly the only one who can give you the help you need now.


Sorry to hear all you have been through


Wish you luck and hope things get a little better quickly, take care.

[GarryX]

Re: taking some time out

Bloody hell mate, dunno really where to start with that.

All i can say is I hope you can battle through and solve whatever issues are going on.

Loads of people have fucked up problems, it's just trying to find the best way to deal with them.

[thebanned1]

i,ve asked kamal to ban my accounts on here as one of my email accounts was hacked and i,m not sure if it was my contact details for here ( haven't checked yet ), trying to get on with my life but i,m basically fucked with no future, can't find a job and can't afford to go back to college, since i was diagnosed with a mental health condition i,ve just been on self destruct ever since, only started drinking after that for the first time in my life, i despise alcohol and that made me go back to drugs again, almost died twice choking in my sleep, i still say they got it wrong, i have a story so unbelievable that no one believed it and even though i,ve been sectioned 2 or 3 times now my story has been consistent all the way through, a couple of strange things have happened recently, things like my ears started ringing even though i was listening to music at low levels, i thought i was going to have a stroke the other day after drinking water, i still say my music was stolen in some way and i even went to the government about it, it was the only thing i could do, what happened after that was just fucked, pretty scared to say this but i started to feel as if something was hitting my body out of nowhere and making my muscles twitch but that could of been my diet which was poor, i tried the police first and they did nothing, i was in a right state, i couldn't explain what had happened and was basically suffering from massive paranoia and was panicking so hard, i thought someone was trying to kill me at one point and i ran to Portugal, that experience was just fucked, i was basically out on the streets and in total fear for my life, that was completely screwed, i don't know how to explain it really but i started noticing things like body language and stuff in people and felt like some people were trying to help me and others were not, it felt like people were trying to direct me, it was completely crazy, i even slept in a van that a guy said he was using to smuggle tobacco, i really was that desperate, like i said earlier i was panicking so hard and suffering from complete paranoia, i found a thing on the internet about something similar that old german secret services used to try to drive people to suicide with and that explained the experience just too a tee, the doctors must of had a field day when they saw me as i would have been suffering from every symptom they are trained to spot and of course i had a history of drugs so they would of jumped on that right away, i still say i was set up, it would of been easy if you know what you're doing which i don't, i started to notice that my dad ( a psychiatric nurse with 37 years experience ) started to try to crack me in the same way they do in a mental ward, they use things that happen every day around you, things like coughs and doors banging and stuff, once you're locked into that you are constantly looking for it in everything you hear or see for life, it really fucks you up ( there really is no way out of that one, it just builds up frustration to the point where you snap, it's basically a form of torture *btw he's just started doing it again* ) and i was arrested by the police and taken to hospital and sectioned under the mental health act and stayed in hospital for 8 weeks, the medicine they gave me basically fucked my life more than the drugs i,ve took in my lifetime, made my brain flat, not somewhere you want to be as a musician, it also gave me other side effects that stopped me from getting on with my life ( lets not go there on that one ),it totally ruined it, i still say that was deliberate for a couple of reasons, that has played on my mind since 2003 or so and i still find it hard to deal with today, i still say what happened to me was real, started noticing similarities in the music i was writing in all the music i was listening to all over the place and started noticing things were happening tied to some of the things i was doing in my life or saying online, things like song names and albums, started hearing things in music i couldn't explain, voices hidden in sounds and vocals were changing all the time, certain lyrics stood out more than others, words like "stick in the wrist", i,m kind of scared to tell you that because it looks like i,m delusional, it was just happening to frequently, scared to tell my doctor that as well if i,m honest, it's hard to explain, i don't really want to talk about that until i see my doctor again, anyway don't want to go on about this any more

to be honest and i know this sounds like paranoia but i,m pretty fearful of my future, i stated noticing pictures of things like torture started to frequent in the websites i was visiting and even seen some child porn on 4chan, scared the shit out of me but i still went back without thinking i could of been set up

anyway i,ll check up on this thread for a little while and i,ll try to keep in touch with as many of you as possible in the future